5 stupid jokes

1. What's green and has wheels?
2. How does a witch tell time?
3. How do you catch a unique rabbit?
4. How do you catch a tame rabbit?
5. (This is a long one...)

Hello Statue

A very poor man from Italy comes to the US to make his fortune. He works very hard for a very long time, and finally succeeds at having plenty of money. He decides that he should have a very large house built on top of a very high hill. He calls a prominent architect, and requests the house of his dreams. During the interview, there was conversation that went something like this:
Italian Man: I want a big house, on a big hill.
Architect: I can do that
Italian Man: With lots of rooms and lots of staircases...one going up, one going down, and one going nowhere, just for show
Architect: Umm...ok, I can do that
Italian Man: And in every room, I want a "Hello Statue."
Long pause, while architect thinks "What the heck is a 'Hello Statue'? I don't want to look stupid in front of this guy."
Architect (out loud): I can do that.

So, the architect goes about designing this house, with 22 rooms, and three staircases. As he hires contractors, architect asks each one "Have you ever heard of a 'Hello Statue'?" One by one, they admit that they've never heard of such a thing. Architect also asks all other architects he knows, and all of his friends. No one has ever heard of a "Hello Statue."

Finally, house is finished. Italian Man goes to look at house and exclaims "BEAUTIFUL! JUST WHAT I WANTED. But, but, where are 'Hello Statues?"

Architect: I know you wanted one in every room, but I've talked to everyone I know, and no one knows what that is. If you tell me, I will happily put one in every room."

Italian Man: That's easy. Hello Statue is a little box that sits on table. When it goes b-r-r-ing, b-r-r-ing, you pick it up and say "Hello, Statue?"

For answers to the riddles above, leave a comment. I will comment back...

I love suspense!!

Five Things That Make Me Laugh

1. Stupid Jokes (the stupider, the better) (What's green and has wheels??)
2. Funny faces
3. Well-made commercials
4. Just a little too much alcohol (I have also been known to sing under these circumstances)
5. Pictures of me

Not laughing?

Here is a picture of me reading New Moon by Stephenie Meyer. This is the second in an excellent series of books. I've heard that the fourth one is now in stores, and is very highly recommended by those who have already purchased it.

(I just didn't want you to think that I spend all my time watching tv and drinking)

Messin' with Sasquatch

Have you seen these commercials. I personally (or is that monkey-ly) find them hilarious. I saw a new one last night that made me laugh out loud. A group of "young adults" were just getting out of what looked to be a local swimming hole (read -- lake). Sasquatch comes out of nowhere, bends over, and gets a drink (or is possibly fishing) from the lake. One of the girls in the party hands her wet towel to one of the boys, who then snaps the Sasquatch with the towel. A little cruel, and not very funny, right? So, the Sasquatch grabs the boy by his swim trunks, and throws him into the lake, but never lets go of the trunks. You get a very funny picture for about 2 seconds of the boy in the air with his mid-section "scribbled."

What is your favorite commercial? Why?

Celebration

I recently celebrated my 21st birthday by going to a local watering hole. The bartender looked me up and down and said "Sorry, we don't serve monkeys here," which made me think of this joke:

Three ropes went out to their local watering hole and asked for a drink. The bartender said "Didn't you see our sign? We don't serve ropes here." In a very disappointed fashion, they walked out of the bar and around the corner.

They stood their discussing their ruined plans for the evening when the biggest rope declared "They can't do that, it's discrimination!" So, he marched back into the bar and demanded a drink. The bartender was a little frustrated and threw the rope right out the door. The rope went and joined his friends saying, "Boy, that place is really tough."

The next biggest rope, who had been pondering the discrimination issue, decided he was going to try his luck at getting a drink. He very quietly walked up to the bar and said in his most coquettish voice "Could I pretty please have a drink?"

The bartender took one look at him, picked him up, and threw him out the door.

The rope re-joined his friends, saying "That bartender has no heart at all. I tried to be nice!!"

The littlest rope had been listening to these conversations, and came up with a plan of his own. He said "I'll be right back with three drinks. Wait for me here." His fellow ropes thought he was crazy, but they didn't want to leave him behind, fearing he would get seriously injured when thrown through the door.

As he turned the corner, this littlest of ropes twisted himself all up and pulled out some of the ends of his rope. He walked into the bar and asked for a drink. The bartender gave him a funny look and said "Aren't you a rope?"

The littlest rope looked the bartender straight in the eye and said "Nope, frayed knot."

That was my laugh for that day. I'll keep you posted on the laughs I have daily, and hopefully, we'll be able to laugh together!